Think about a difficult conversation you had in the past week.
And one from a couple of weeks ago.
One from last month?
A few from the past year.
Question: Did you feel totally listened to by the other person?
Think about what that tells you about the importance of listening.
Another question: Did it seem to you like you listened to them?
Pause.
Scarier question: If you had felt totally listened to, how might that have changed the situation?
What does that tell you about the importance of listening?
See why listening is the Third Pillar of a peaceful resolution?
Hyuh.
Comments: So, you could answer those questions in the comments. Or: how do you feel about listening? Anything you’ve learned about listening? Are there situations where you listen well? Other situations not so much?
‘Listening.’ Discuss.
Comment policy:
(a) Half-baked, unfinished thoughts very welcome. Systems With Capital Letters? Not so much.
(b) Feel free to share your own experience, but no advice, please.
(c) Be nice.
The emotion most often associated with conflict is anger.
It can help to know the kind of things that trigger anger.
Think back to recent situations where you felt anger (remembering that anger goes from irritation through annoyance even as far as rage).
Line up three or four examples in your mind.
What pattern do you notice?
I think that anger has a major pattern. [click to continue…]
When you’re in a high-stakes situation, pay attention to:
Are we coming closer together or moving further apart?
In general, having your attention on the structure of the communication (rather than lost in the details of the content/situation) really helps. [click to continue…]
There are times when your sensitivity is turned way up.
These are times when you need to be extra patient with others, as they will be seem ridiculously annoying.
A mnemnomic that helps some people is HALT. (I think it’s originally from Alcoholics Anonymous. You’re not meant to get too H, A, L or T when in recovery. Hey, we take useful wisdom where we can, right?)
These help you do an internal check to see if you might be more touchy than usual. [click to continue…]
Ok, I know I’m meant to keep my goals to myself, but I think you might be able to help me.
My mission this year is to speak in front of 1000 people.
Not all at once, necessarily. [click to continue…]
In high-stakes situations, two of our inner characters are likely to take over.
1. Our Inner Fighter.
2. Our Inner Hider.
The Inner Fighter wants to fight. It wants to push buttons, and debate, and hold on terrier-like to issues. It wants to replay things afterwards a million times, and keep the adrenalin going. It likes the feeling of growly anger and want more of it.
The Inner Hider wants to run away, thank you very much. It wants to avoid stress, placate, make things better just for this second. It wants to avoid a fuss (that’s the worst: a FUSS!), and just wants everything to be nice. Or seem nice. [click to continue…]
