From the monthly archives:

November 2009

Speak mindfully

The fourth principle/habit/practice/key/secret/thing of my four principles/habits/practices/keys/secrets/things that I think might help with fighting less is (adopts deep and wise voice): 4. Speak Mindfully Ok. A bit of meta-blogging. My Inner Expert is desperate that I not write this article in this way. He keeps talking about things like ‘a comprehensive framework’ and that people [...]

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Friday list #4 – When people talk they’re saying things

Writing this from my sick-desk. I hope I’m not delirious. This may be short. Or ridiculously long. Let’s see… I mainly focused on shutting up and listening this week. Conflict-y noticings ‘Shut Up and Listen’ has two meanings. First, don’t speak. Second, be quiet inside. The first I could teach. The second? I don’t know… [...]

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Shut Up and Listen

Before I get into expert mode, a little self-importance-balloon-popping. Disclaimer-type story This year me and some friends were discussing Lent. One friend was giving up chocolate. I said I might give up interrupting people. My friends literally laughed until they cried. So, yeah – I’ve got a lot to learn about listening. Here are, however, [...]

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Friday list #3 – Yay four and half steps!

Conflict-y Noticings I was mainly watching things about emotions this week. Things I noticed are: Be careful of Hector Projector when both people are upset It’s very easy when both people are upset to blame the other person. I mean, obviously what you’re doing is just a result of what they’re doing. They started it. [...]

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Handling your feelings, their feelings, your feelings about their feelings

Part Two of the Grand Manifesto on Conflict Resolution and fighting less is: Handle The Emotions Seems a bit ridiculous to be saying that dealing with emotions is important in conflict situations, but, er, it is. Not being neither a grumpy, over-sensitive arse nor a smug, overly calm arse is a life-long, constant… exploration for [...]

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Friday list #2: a chipmunk called me fat

Fridays are for seeing what I’ve learned noticed this week. Because noticing is important. (This is a total rip-off of my take on Havi’s Friday Chicken.) Conflict-y noticings ~ Getting less certain gives me beeeg realisations Whenever I’ve got stressed about something this week, I’ve ‘gone inside’ and checked if I could be less certain [...]

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There are a lot of people in here

This week I was in a situation where a Person I Care About was in pain. (Been working out how I can be a) transparent and b) protect the privacy of the people around me  and Person I Care About seems to work. I’ve seen that movie where the person does stand-up and the content [...]

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Provisional thoughts about being less certain

Part One of my Grand Manifesto for Resolving Conflict and Fighting Less is: Be Less Certain (This is the second version of this post – I started with a really expert-y one, with quotes and sections, and references. It was, as my old colleague Zoe might have said, lame-O. Be glad I pressed delete.) So [...]

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Friday list

Fridays are for seeing what I’ve learned noticed this week. Because noticing is important. (This is a total rip-off of Havi’s Friday Chicken.) Conflict-y peaceful-y noticings ~ Opening is easier when I’ve slept properly Sleep debt= bad, early night= good. ~ Closing is any time I’m saying no to what’s happening …or even when I’m [...]

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Navigating conflict

I’m a big one for over-riding principles. I think it helps to have a framework to put things into. Whilst reading and noticing what happens for me during conflict, plus what works when dealing with emotions in my meditation practice, I think that the thing that makes the most difference is opening. I’m even going [...]

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