The emotion most often associated with conflict is anger.
It can help to know the kind of things that trigger anger.
Think back to recent situations where you felt anger (remembering that anger goes from irritation through annoyance even as far as rage).
Line up three or four examples in your mind.
What pattern do you notice?
I think that anger has a major pattern.
Anger is what we feel when we’re not getting what we need or want.
More specifically:
Anger is what we feel when a part of us thinks it’s not getting what it needs or wants.
This is helpful because when we recognise we are feeling angry, things aren’t just out of our control.
A useful question can be:
What do I need or want that I’m not getting?
I’m not saying it solves the problem, but at least it gives us more information.
Ne?
Comments: I love it when you leave a comment. Does this jibe with your experience? In what situations does this help?
Comment policy:
(a) Half-baked, unfinished thoughts very welcome. Systems With Capital Letters? Not so much.
(b) Feel free to share your own experience, but no advice, please.
(c) Be nice.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Things that make me see red: injustice, untruthfulness, greed, exploitation.
Didn’t realise I was such a do-gooder
Clearly my only option is to FIGHT CRIME and remember to unclench my jaw once in a while. Heh.
… to be clear, I can get righteously angry about perceived injustice to me … and yeah, it’s very often misplaced or erroneous
Sometimes righteous anger can be an… informative trigger.
And also: bastards.
I’m not sure you can be a superhero and not have a jutting jaw… Might have to rethink that whole Loose Jaw Policy.
My first reaction was: Or someone could just be being a jerk, and that’s why I’m angry. But then I thought about why I thought the person was being a jerk. And you’re right: If I whittle a situation down to the core, it does come down to me not getting what I need or want. Interesting. I wonder if doing this will curb my tendency to brood over Injustices Done to Me.
Lisa´s last post… Fever Dream
At least it might add some texture to the brooding…
Twitter: darxyanne
Definitely helpful, so hard in the moment when anger is flaring to get to the need behind it (for me at least).
In the moment of flaring, totally difficult.
Not at our cognitive best when the adrenalin is pumping.
But sometimes when things have died down a little, we can get a little clarity.
And it can help when thinking about other’s anger too, sometimes.