From the category archives:

Emotions

What you are really in control of

When dealing with confict, crisis and other high-stakes situations, it can help to have clarity on what is in your control and what isn’t. Here’s my map. Under your control: Your words. Your body. Your actions. Under your strong influence: What you focus on. Can sometimes be affected by you: Your feelings. Your background thoughts. [...]

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A purpose for anger

The emotion most often associated with conflict is anger. It can help to know the kind of things that trigger anger. Think back to recent situations where you felt anger (remembering that anger goes from irritation through annoyance even as far as rage). Line up three or four examples in your mind. What pattern do [...]

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Internal check-in

There are times when your sensitivity is turned way up. These are times when you need to be extra patient with others, as they will be seem ridiculously annoying. A mnemnomic that helps some people is HALT. (I think it’s originally from Alcoholics Anonymous. You’re not meant to get too H, A, L or T [...]

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Your jaw is your friend

The more you can stay open in high-stakes situations, the better. Adrenalin narrows your window on the situation, making you see fewer options and getting you to rely more on ingrained habits. It’s difficult to monitor your own state of stress, though. It’s a bit like drinking. Alcohol affects your judgement, but it also affects [...]

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The four difficult emotions

Sometimes it can seem like our emotions are out of our control. A first step to getting in control can be to identify what the hell you’re feeling. The big four adrenalin-triggering emotions, as far as I can see, are: Fear Anger Sadness Guilt Fear has some little sisters – anxiety, unease – and some [...]

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Emotional fluency – the first pillar

Think back to the last three conflicts/arguments/altercations/disagreements you had at work or at home. Bet you felt stuff, right? The thing that makes high-stakes situations (conflict and crisis) so hard is, largely, emotions. Emotions before an event, during an event, after an event. Yours, theirs, everyone’s. The more you can be aware of what you’re [...]

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