A Peaceful Resolution » Meta-blogging

Help me help you help me help you

Andrew Lightheart — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 15:24:34 +0000

(Hello to everyone who’s hopped over from EPW! Hey!)

You know that I’m brimming over with ideas for things to put together for you, especially when I get back to England in September and have a bit of space and time.

My question is:

Whaddyawant?

More specifically:

What do you need the most help with around staying gentle and awake in everyday crisis and conflict?

My interests (and expertise, such as it is) seems to fall in four areas:

Noticing the ways our mind traps us, particularly by fooling us into adversarial situations
Emotional awareness – especially how to keep your head when being hit by emotions
Listening and hearing
Speaking so you can be heard

Where do you particularly fall down in those areas?

Or, on the flip side, where does your fascination lead you?

Some preliminary thoughts:

How to really listen
How to stop fighting when you want to but can’t
Dealing with petty tyrants
How to stop interrupting
How to be gentle yet firm when speaking up
Protection against manipulation
Ways the mind fools us into false conclusions
Finding ways to pull yourself out of emotionally choppy waters
Or something else?

Would you mind just shouting out (or, you know, whispering) what you’d like help with in the comments?

You don’t have to put a website if you don’t want, and no one sees your email but me, so, you know, first names or aliases could work!

(Caveat: I really only know how to help with everyday stuff – if your situation is particularly severe or you’re in danger, I would recommend getting help from someone more experienced/qualified than I.)

Oh, and, yes, I launched a wee product yesterday.

Have a glance at Do I Have A Thing About This?

I’m a proud Daddy. You could say nice things about my baby, too.

You know.

If you wanted.

(Please: comments are for half-baked ideas only.)

The Blog Police Can Suck It.

Andrew Lightheart — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:26:19 +0000

(This is meta-blogging – you don’t have to read it if you’re here for the conflict-y stuff.)

I didn’t realise how many rules I had internalised about blogging (from all those social media bloggers) until I got stuck again in writing here.

Er.. how long’s it been? Six weeks or something?

And it’s not even like I’m a newbie blogger – I did an Expert Blog for 18 months before.

But… this Blogging-As-Me thing is tough.

I have come up with a blogging dammit list (valid for the next, oh, I don’t know, 2 hours)

My Blogging Rules

(yeah, take that, big rough bully-boys – my blog? my rules!)

I will not schedule posts so that they publish when I’m busy. It feels fake and like I’m witholding. I will not do it, dammit!
Whilst I may separate topics into granular posts for the sake of being understandable , I will not make granular posts for the Googlejuice, dammit.
If I have several things to say, I may write several separate posts and post them on the same day. Maybe even within minutes of each other. Dammit.
I will write about my experience and not turn it into glib how-to instructions. At least not yet. Dammit.
I will not end my posts with requests for comments, but allow people to comment if they feel the genuine desire. Dammit.
I reserve the right to go against these ‘rules’ at any time in the future. Dammit.

So, Blogging Police?

Suck it.

Dammit.

Blogging rhythm and blues

Andrew Lightheart — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 22:06:50 +0000

I’m starting to have a blogging- freeze, so I’m posting to break it.

I was in a dilemma

Earlier on, during my walk with Pema, I had this going on in my head (are you ready?):

I want to make a difference in the world, to help people wake up. I have some wisdom. I have no wisdom. It should be fast and clean. It’s gradual and messy. I should take teachings mainly from my meditation teacher. I’m loving these teachings from a Buddhist teacher. I should set up a rhythm to blogging and commit to it. There is so much to write about. If I write everything now, I will run out of things to say. I will need to write posts in advance for when I’m teaching (at least 10 days per month). If I write loads of posts and then nothing/little for a while, people won’t like it. I need to be more expert and complete. I need to be more raw. If I talk a lot about realisations from Pema it’ll be like a Buddhist blog. And I’m not a Buddhist. But I might want to be. I need to make each idea a separate post, rather than blurting stuff out. I must save my noticings for Fridays. If I meta-blog too much people will get bored.

Hyuh. It was messy.

I applied my own advice to myself – I Found Five

One of the major things was the how-many-posts-and-how-often-and-how-often bit. So…

1. I should blog with a regular schedule and not ebb and flow. I should ignore/iron out the irregular parts of my schedule.

Here are four more (remember: possible, not necessarily probable) that I came up with in about 60 seconds in the pouring rain:

If I follow my own rhythms:

2. …it could set a new standard for bloggers and Seth Godin (or whoever) will fall in love with me (or my blog at least).

3. …I will end up blogging to myself and lose all credibility.

4. … it’ll be a non-event.

5. … it will clear room for bigger realisations.

I’m learning two things

From this, I realised I’m doing two things at the same time:

1. Learning about conflict

2. Learning how to blog as me

No wonder I’m getting confused – I’m on a much steeper learning curve than I thought I was.

So, hmmm…

My maybe-sort-of-unconclusion

If I feel uncomfortable about something, I don’t have to do it.

And, you know, I’m a bit of an ebb-and-flow, fall-into-it-then-move-on kind of guy.

And… as of January, I’m going to be teaching at least 10 days a month.

But who says I can’t let the blog reflect the rhythms of my life?

(Well, actually, pretty much everyone I’ve ever read on blogging.)

So, dammit, I will.

I think.

Why is your blog called that?

Andrew Lightheart — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:00:17 +0000

I chose ‘A Peaceful Resolution’ intending what’s probably a non-obvious meaning, and now I’m finding that both the obvious one and the non-obvious one are growing in significance.

Obligatory bit of meta-blogging

This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. It’s also the second time I’ve tried to write it. I’m beginning to suspect the Inner Expert might be interfering a little. Maybe I’m trying to be too comprehensive or something. So, gird for patchy, people, gird.

***
In short, it seems like there are two levels to the peaceful resolution thing.

One seems to be more immediate and practical. This I’m calling working towards a peaceful resolution.

The other level seems to be more long-term and for want of a better word, spiritual. This is what I think of as making a resolution to be peaceful.

(Inner Expert: aaagh – this should be comprehensive, and totally structured, and thought through. Stop it! Wait. But it needs to be published now. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.)

Working towards a peaceful resolution

The first, and most obvious reading of peaceful resolution is that it’s something you want to have, to get, to move towards.

Totally useful.

This is where techniques and practices that deal with the outside fit in – things like the Tell Me More Buffer, listening ‘techniques’, finding places of agreement… Basically, things that make immediate practical sense, even if they might be a little counter-intuitive at times.

Bit specific, bit more about ‘the outside’, things you say, things you do.

Making a resolution to be peaceful

Then there’s the second meaning, which is the one I intended, and which is growing in importance. To me at least.

Making a peaceful resolution is more about a life-long (well, potentially) commitment to being peaceful.

Making a peaceful resolution seems to be more about internal choices and gets well a little woo-woo.

Sidebar: making a life-long commitment to be peaceful (or anything for that matter)? No. Doesn’t work. Get’s too mind-y (for me). Making an ongoing commitment to try and maybe remember to be a little bit more peaceful? Much better. May well lead to the former too, in a weird tricking the mind paradox kind of way.

Making a peaceful resolution may also turn out to be applying conflict resolution to the characters/internal parts.

This seems pretty clear to me, but I could see that it might not to people who don’t live inside my head (you get it though, right guys?), so here’s an example from each for the four thing:

(I’m taking an executive decision to do this next bit in the first person, applying to me. Third person opens the gates for Internal Expert. Hmmm… might have to work on that one)

Being Less Certain

First level: unpick my beliefs about the situation I’m going into.
Less obvious, more woo-woo level: practice not seeking certainty in a fluid world.

Handling Emotion

Practical level: plan for what might trigger me in the situation I’m working on.
Making a resolution: work on getting conscious about about what I’m feeling and how it affects me, getting less reactive in general. Also gives me an excuse to blog about my stuff coming up and make it sound relevant (yay blog therapy).

Shut up and Listen

Practical: er – shut up. Listen.
Long-term: work on stillness so I can shut up on the inside.

Speak mindfully

Practical: take emotionally charged words out when talking about the conflict-topic.
Long-term: make it a practice to be able to hear the words I’m saying as I’m saying them.

***

I suppose what I’m saying is that there is likely to be two-ish levels of articles here – some very practical, some a bit more out there.

And I seem to have made more of a long-term commitment to being peaceful in general, but you totally don’t need to. Unless you want to.

And, yeah, this gives me an excuse to do blog therapy (as yayed before).

So… That is Why A Peaceful Resolution.

I thank you.

Help! The Blogging Shoulds got me…

Andrew Lightheart — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:26:28 +0000

So, I’ve blogged before. Here.

As a reflective practitioner, I’m trying to learn from my experience.

And, seeing as it’s pretty much just me reading this at the moment, I thought I’d write to me in the future, to stave off Blogger’s Block.

***

Hey, Andrew – not blogging, eh?

*Future Andrew nods. Sadly.*

Hmmm – have the Blogging Shoulds been getting you?

*Future Andrew looks interested but quizzical…*

You know – all those things you’re meant to do…

Like, you should:

include a picture in each post from Flickr
write a headline that captures attention and increases your SEO
start a post with a question
end it with a question to encourage comments
make the post practical
edit each post so that it’s short – people don’t read long articles on the internet, you know (*Future Andrew starts to say, ‘But Havi…* – No buts, Future Andrew…)
stay on topic, saving other stuff for a different blog
decide in advance on your service AND your niche and blog only for them
make sure your blog design is ROCKIN’
have three months’ posts in advance
make your posts granular
complete your links – links are the currency of the internet, after all…
comment strategically on blogs in your niche
Stumble regularly
make sure your e-book is perfect
balance tweets, retweets and @replies
make sure your posts are useful to your niche (*Future Andrew gags a little bit at the word repeated use of the word ‘niche’*)
have a publishing calendar and stick to it
investigate guest-blogging
not say ‘Fuck’ or ‘Bullshit’ even when you want to

And there’s the authentic blogging shoulds…

make sure you’re writing in your voice
make sure you’re really conversational
say ‘Fuck’ and ‘Bullshit’ when it’s the natural thing to say

And then there’s the one’s you made up…

write from your spiritual connection
write so that Havi, Naomi, Michael, Ed, Karen, Samuel and Stuart all love it
be totally fricking inspirational, all the time
write so that your corporate clients don’t cancel (especially avoiding the use of words like ‘Fuck’ and ‘Bullshit’)
write really comprehensive book reviews, bearing in mind that the authors are going to read them, so be nice…
write several times a day, five days a week (or whatever you’ve decided is your un-meetable blogging schedule)

Hmmm… things beginning to get clear now?

*Future Andrew does that purse-the-lips-and-move-them-to-one-side thing, tilts his head sideways and nods*

How about, just for today, you write what’s in your head to write, and just click publish? Maybe next week or next month you can return to the Shoulds, but just for now…

And don’t forget, you can always Meta-blog…

Andrew?

Andrew…?

*sound of typing….*

***

Well, that’s the way it’s meant to go… See how…

(Er… and doesn’t The Blogging Shoulds sound like a great band…?)