Improve your emotional algebra

I think there is a way we are being fooled by our emotions. It hinges on where we put the equals sign.

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So there I am in Page One, the beautiful enormous sunlit bookshop in our local mall, the place where I wander idly looking at books, thinking things through, making notes for articles and products on Evernote, sometimes whipping out my Samsung NC10 and writing-publishing a blog post.

So… there I am, on Sunday, looking through the language books and I am suddenly hit by panic.

We are about to move where the nearest large-ish bookshop is 15 miles away, and the nearest really large bookshop more like 40 miles away.

What the hell are we doing, moving from a capital city to a small market town?

My first saviour was, of course, going to S and getting a squeeze, wiping my snot on his armpit.

My second saviour was having predicted this.

Predicting emotions

A while ago, I realised that, at some point, I would start to feel panic that we were making the wrong decision to move back to England.

Having, in a previous moment of clarity, sent a letter to my Future Self saying that panic was to be expected, and not to read too much into it, I was able to keep my perspective.

What is emotional algebra?

Ok. So I’m about to use algebra very loosely (sorry math kids).

What I notice happens is:

1. I feel an emotion. Let’s say panic.

2. Emotional algebra goes: Feel Panic = Something’s Wrong.

3. The mind starts looking for what’s wrong.

And you know what happens when the mind starts looking for something.

It finds it.

And the more evidence it finds, the more the feeling strengthens, and we know where that one leads.

Same with…

Feel Sad = Something’s Wrong.

Feel Angry = Someone’s Wrong.

Feel Scared = Something’s Wrong.

The truth

Rather than:

Feel Emotion = Something’s Wrong.

In truth, what’s happens is:

Trigger = Feel Emotion.

ie Think of No Bookshops = Panic.

The jiggery-pokery is : the original trigger is forgotten.

So what we need to do is to

(a) stay conscious of triggers and

(b) not extrapolate things from the emotion.

This is difficult to do once the trigger has been triggered unless you prepare.

What to do?

More useful is to think ahead, predict what you might be feeling (knowing the likely emotions especially being familiar with your triggers/Things), and have a way of not following the ‘logic’.

In short, you gotta put the = in the right place.

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Now, ok, wait wait, I know that very often when we feel something, that emotion is information, often about something unresolved. And it seems that I’m asking you to disregard what you’re feeling.

And, of course of course it can be very useful to do personal work to resolve those issues.

However, there’s a difference between our aspirations (that the Thing be defused) and how things are right now (that the Thing is a Thing).

It can be helpful to be able to see that the information the emotion is giving might be more about your triggers than about the current situation.

Emotional algebra can be very persuasive, and in the end, it often has very little connection to how things are right now.

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Back to the bookshop.

Thanks to a bit of preparation, rather than thinking:

I am feeling panic therefore we are making the wrong decision.

I can more clearly see:

We are making a big decision therefore I will feel panic, at times. This is one of those times.

That doesn’t mean I suppress the emotion, it just means I do my best to not extrapolate anything from it.

It’s just a feeling.

Helps to have an armpit to wipe your tears on, as well…

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Comments? Comments? Love ‘em!

Only rule: only half-baked thoughts, please. No dogma/advice. No no no.

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And yes, of course, if you want some help with getting familiar with your triggers, you could always have a look at Do I Have A Thing About This?

Of course.

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