In high-stakes situations, two of our inner characters are likely to take over.
1. Our Inner Fighter.
2. Our Inner Hider.
The Inner Fighter wants to fight. It wants to push buttons, and debate, and hold on terrier-like to issues. It wants to replay things afterwards a million times, and keep the adrenalin going. It likes the feeling of growly anger and want more of it.
The Inner Hider wants to run away, thank you very much. It wants to avoid stress, placate, make things better just for this second. It wants to avoid a fuss (that’s the worst: a FUSS!), and just wants everything to be nice. Or seem nice.
Thing is: these are automatic patterns, hidden inside our animal bodies. They are not concerned with real resolution. The Fighter wants to win, the Hider wants it to be over.
Fighting doesn’t work. Hiding doesn’t work. Not really.
Resolving situations takes skilled persistent conscious action.
The Fighter often uses repetitive loops of thinking to keep you riled up about something.
The Hider has a sense of turning away, of not looking, sometimes a kind of desperate panic to stop things being so ‘unpleasant’.
Can you recognise when one of these two is in charge?
Comments: Sound familiar? How do you recognise when the Fighter or the Hider is in charge? Are there particular phrases, patterns, feelings that go ’round? Leave your thoughts in the comments, please.
Comment policy:
(a) Half-baked, unfinished thoughts very welcome. Systems With Capital Letters? Not so much.
(b) No advice, please.
(c) Be nice.
If you liked this, you might like some of these too...
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: ealvarezgibson
Andrew, I love what you’re doing with this site. Everything about it is as simple as it is meaningful — which is to say, very much so. Reading your posts feels like a mental spa break. Today’s post got to my inbox right in the middle of a very uncomfortable situation, and reading it really supported me in getting through. Thank you!
A mental spa break.
Lovely.
Glad the words helped you help yourself.
Twitter: RimaNouri
I very much enjoyed this one. Boy, do we know it all!
A question: do you have any ideas how to REMEMBER to look at our inner patterns, drop our jaws etc. when we are IN the situation?
Rima´s last post… Baby Steps or How to Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Happen this Time – part 3
Yes, the remembering.
I’ve got more about this, I promise.
Recognition of the patterns, practice ‘in the clear’, noticing when you DO remember and what did you do…
Hmmm. Will put some more detailed stuff together, I promise, I promise.
I’m a fighter married to a hider. Fun!
Ouch. Fun is one word…
Twitter: darxyanne
Kris! I am a fighter who just got left by her hider. I feel ya!
Darcy´s last post… I am here.
Sorry to hear that Darcy – hang in there!