Writing this from my sick-desk.
I hope I’m not delirious.
This may be short. Or ridiculously long. Let’s see…
I mainly focused on shutting up and listening this week.
Conflict-y noticings
‘Shut Up and Listen’ has two meanings.
First, don’t speak. Second, be quiet inside. The first I could teach. The second? I don’t know…
I’m bad at not speaking
I have to really consciously not talk like learning to, I don’t know, sms with your left hand, or learn the Mac keyboard shortcuts after having a PC for years.
Conscious effort that feels weird.
Don’t get me wrong – I love a bit of new and weird. Just saying.
I’m bad at being quiet inside
I’m a meditator so there’s no surprise here.
There is a constant commentary going on as I ‘listen’ to someone. Partially judging/evaluating what they’re saying, partially planning what I ‘should’ say next.
Not following up on ‘what I should say next’ was the weird conscious effort above.
Though I can shut up when I’m in coaching mode.
Huh.
Listening is so about opening and closing
Chatter in my head (that I’m participating in)? Closing.
Quiet in my head? Opening.
Verbalising the chatter in my head? Sometimes closing, or causes closing.
Not following up on the impulse to speak? Opening.
Listening is a practice about being in the moment.
If I can go slow enough, I can see the mind at work – trying to pull me out of the present listening moment.
‘S interestin’.
When people are talking, they’re saying something
Ok, this is totally weird. And I think I’m not going to explain it very well…
I was walking through a mall with a friend of ours, and I was paying attention to listening to him.
What I realised was that by speaking words to me, he had an intent to communicate, and was (to a certain extent) seeing me as worthy of putting words together for.
This was such a huge thing (maybe it comes from a boo-hoo lonely part of my childhood) that…
Well, basically I realised that someone was talking. With fresh words. To me.
Better honour that by listening, eh?
A wondering
Fear. Sadness. Anger.
I’m wondering how much conflict get’s traced back to just those three.
In-other-news noticings
Doing a procrastinated thing frees up energy
I finally made five finance calls last night, that I’ve been fiercely procrastinating building up to for a week.
All fine.
Freed up so much energy.
(Which turned into food poisoning, but hey…)
I can stick to a budget and be happy
For many many years, budget = bad, sad, mad. Now = happy, relaxed.
That working-on-my-stuff thing must be having some effect.
Sleep’s meant to solve everything, right?
Today I went to sleep fever-ish, tired.
Woke up fever-ish, restless and tired.
That not right.
Surely?
***
Thanks to Havi Brooks for Item!ing me this week.
Made me ha. Ppy.
And hi to all you new subscribers – I’m totally thrilled to have you.
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