Help! I can’t separate fantasy from reality!

I seem to have found a way into a kind of mindfulness, and a way to stop myself going into crazy emotional reactions quite so much.

And it came from following my own advice.

I know, weird, huh?

And not a little post-post-modern.

I find it difficult to separate fantasy from reality. Evidently.

Now, before you go speed dialling the shrink, I don’t mean in a the-voices-are-coming-from-the-plug-sockets kind of way.

More in that I find it difficult to notice when I’m reacting to the world, and when I’m reacting to thoughts/feelings.

I think the polite term is A Rich Inner Life.

I’m believing my own thoughts too much

I discovered this from implementing the idea that when I’m feeling something strongly (especially something ‘negative’) that I should focus straightaway on what is actually happening in terms of physical reality.

My slogan for that is

What can I see and hear right now?

It’s been totally interesting.

What this does is help me to separate what’s going on in my head from what’s going on in the world.

For example, I might be walking along the beach with two People I Care About. I suddenly get anxious about money, and invoices (a major trigger for me).

Suddenly, big anxiety.

Then I ask myself: What can I see and hear?

I realise, I can see the two People I Care About, I can see the sea, I can hear the sea, I can see the beach promenade we’re walking over…

And here’s the kicker.

Anything else is either a thought or a feeling.

I treat my thoughts/feelings as if they are physical reality

When I do this practice, it’s like I step out of a dream and things come into focus.

Perspective-a-go-go.

I seem to wander around the world having literally forgotten that what I’m thinking/feeling is just that – an element of my internal world, but not actually happening.

When I contrast it with physical reality, I realise the internal bits are in my control (ish).

Quieting the echo chamber

The other thing I notice about this is how the mind (my mind) goes into a kind of nostalgia.

It gets in a certain feeling-groove about something, then follows it, finding things that match, or making things match, more like.

So, for example, money-anxiety comes up, and then I’m feeling anxious about a whole bunch of other stuff too, without realising it’s all in my head.

So seeing that this is just thoughts/feelings means I can catch the chain reaction before it happens.

Lightheart-brand mindfulness

I’ve been struggling with the concept of mindfulness. It’s like I go:

(serious spiritual voice) ‘Right, time to be mindful.’

Then – er, no strategy. How? <Blank>.

Asking myself what I can see (and hear) actually brings me into the present moment.

A caveat

I find that asking myself  ‘What’s happening right now?’ can take me on too much of an internal journey – it’s not clear-cut enough.

Sure, there are more steps…

This isn’t the whole thing – there is something about doing it from a peripheral awareness, and also at times I need to drop down into the energy behind the feeling, but I’m surprised at how much it is the whole thing.

Just asking this question seems to take me out of the reaction without any repression of the feeling.

Finding more sanity

What it’s done in the past few days as I’ve been implementing it is that I feel much saner – it’s stopped me going off on one several times. It’s also made my head a great deal quieter.

It’s meant I’ve stayed out of family arguments that are just none of my business and seen them blow over in seconds, without my trying to put them out with peaceful kerosene.

And I’m able to move into the energy of the feeling more whilst dropping the story-line and it’s helped to see the real pattern of what’s going on. Not fooled by the mind’s tricks quite so much.

It’s like I hear the ‘I should…’, ‘He should…’, ‘She should…’ as  just the mind doing it’s commentary-thing,  rather than instructions to take action.

So, er… yay.

***

Now, if you asked me, I’d say that I have a policy of not asking for comments – I think you’re grown-up enough to know you’re allowed to comment if you want.

Having said that… If you were to try this out, I’d be interested to know if you found it useful.

Just sayin’.

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