I’m a big one for over-riding principles. I think it helps to have a framework to put things into.
Whilst reading and noticing what happens for me during conflict, plus what works when dealing with emotions in my meditation practice, I think that the thing that makes the most difference is opening.
I’m even going to give it a capital letter to distinguish it from ordinary opening (cf cans, doors).
So: Opening.
Opening up vs closing down
I’ve been trying to map what I mean by Opening – as it’s pretty clear from my experience.
When I’m Opening, I’m softening, not trying to fight against what I’m feeling/experiencing, I’m moving away from the echo-chamber of the mind that makes drama into DRAMAAA!
My muscles are relaxing, I’m sensitive to the energy flows around me (if you’re into that kind of thing), I’m maybe breathing a bit slower and deeper.
Opening is the direct opposite of closing (which doesn’t get a capital letter because it’s BAD).
Closing is clenching, hardening, tensing. It sometimes has a bit of launching-at-the-other-person’s-throat in it, other times a cold, immovable you’re-no-son-of-mine to it.
Whatever, it’s harsh, and involves closing off to options (closing, get it?)
Example?
Err… off the top of my head…
The other day I was in a meeting with a client and a colleague. The colleague suggested something that I might do with the client which I thought, in a totally objective if not god-like way, was totally stupid.
Rather than taking it in my stride, I immediately closed. I got defensive, smiled coldly… you know, dealt with it in a really adult way.
Noticing is the thing
The thing I was proud of was that I noticed the closing.
First step.
This week, I’m going to watch when I open, and when I close.
The thing I like about this as a practice is that you don’t need to wait to be in a stress-y situation to give it a go.
My question: Am I opening? Am I opening?
Update on Friday.
(I’d like to put a link here to related posts, but, hey, there are only three of them so far… )
(In a not-witholding-things-from-you way, I totally think that I need to write a ‘better’ post, with more details, more examples, more something. I’m hitting Publish anyway.)
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