The four difficult emotions

Sometimes it can seem like our emotions are out of our control. A first step to getting in control can be to identify what the hell you’re feeling. The big four adrenalin-triggering emotions, as far as I can see, are: Fear Anger Sadness Guilt Fear has some little sisters – anxiety, unease – and some [...]

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Deliberate uncertainty – the second pillar

One of the most life-altering books I have read in recent times is Robert Burton’s On Being Certain. In it, he shows how certainty is just a sensation. Yet, we trust this sensation beyond any kind of appeal to reason. We ‘just know’. It seems to me that certainty is the at the root of [...]

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Emotional fluency – the first pillar

Think back to the last three conflicts/arguments/altercations/disagreements you had at work or at home. Bet you felt stuff, right? The thing that makes high-stakes situations (conflict and crisis) so hard is, largely, emotions. Emotions before an event, during an event, after an event. Yours, theirs, everyone’s. The more you can be aware of what you’re [...]

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Acceptance then aspiration

I worry about all this positive thinking. I mean, I worry about the negative thinking too, but the positive thinking: oy. I mean, I get it. I get that it can make you feel better in the moment if you hold on really tightly to a ‘better future’… but what happens when reality intervenes? And, [...]

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The four pillars of a peaceful resolution

So, you want to handle conflict and crisis better? As far as I see it, the four pillars of dealing with high-stakes situations are: 1. Emotional fluency 2. Deliberate uncertainty 3. Conscious listening 4. Conscious speaking The first two are ones that help you stay steady and open. The last two are what you ‘do’. [...]

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