Conflict resolution: a tentative manifesto

Here’s what I might want taught to kids and adults about conflict resolution, in an if-I-ruled-the-world-it-would-be-a-hell-of-a-lot-more-peaceful-and-fair kind of way.
(I’ve been reading Seth Godin’s new book Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?(affiliate link) all morning, and I got all manifesto-ey. The below was mainly written on my phone walking along the street about five minutes ago. Therefore, er, [...]

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I am not a mind reader and neither are you

Well, seeing as this is a Be Less Certain week, I thought I’d point out a place where’s it’s really quite useful to practice being less certain: people’s intentions.
Mindreading – we can’t help it
First watch this video based on an experiment done in the 40s by Heider and Simmel (even if you’ve seen it before [...]

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Opening to uncertainty

So, you know how I talk about how being less certain is an essential part of conflict resolution?
Well, wow. Being less (than) certain can be deeply deeply uncomfortable.
I wrote yesterday about my spiritual-path crisis (as a result of being less certain – ironic, eh?)
What I notice today is that I’m feeling such a pressure to [...]

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The danger of being less certain

So, it turns out that being less certain can be a bit dangerous.
I’m having a spiritual-path crisis and I think I made it happen by following my own advice.

Never doing THAT again.
Bit o’ background
About six years ago, I started studying with a meditation school, basically because I was training in a particular discipline and the [...]

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Opening is often about closing – YoO Friday 1/52

I’ve been putting up a Friday list for a while, detailing what I’m noticing about what I’m learning as I work on being more calm and conscious, and as I implement some of my own advice (!).
Seems to be really useful to check in once a week, and so I’m carrying on with this, especially [...]

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Do you hear me?

Ok, kittens.
Seeing as it’s a Speak Mindfully week, I wanted to put up a normal Monday post about this week’s experiment.
I’ve been teaching for the past two days, so I don’t have time to make this into any kind of post I should press Publish on, but there’s a thought that’s been going ’round in [...]

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My Year of Opening

I’ve written about Opening before as an essential part of navigating conflict.
I’m looking for a bit of focus in my life on my blog.
So, in the shadow of Julie and Julia, etcetereteretera, I’m entering a year.
A year of Opening.
It’s not a year of calm
Last night I wrote this:
***
My Year of Calm
Towards:

gentle
warm
opening
conscious

Away from:

grumpy
snarly
suppressing
closing
pretending

Especially in times of:

crisis [...]

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Friday list #8 – Sweet shop edition

Because it’s good to learn notice.
Conscious/calmness/conflict/crisis-y type noticings
I still lose it
Yep, I know it’s disappointing, but when I get triggered, I still jump into attacking/defending.
After 10 weeks.
I know.
Awareness of shenpa helps
Shenpa is (as far as I understand) the Tibetan word that often gets translated as ‘attachment’ but that Dzigar Kongtrül [...]

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Lazy book review the first – Ignore Everybody by Hugh MacLeod

Ok, I know some of you are waiting for the family feud post, but that’s going to take a bit of writing, evidently.
So, let me tell you about a book that is worth more than my lazy review of it.
Business advice and creativity advice and cartoons
Hugh MacLeod is a cartoonist, mainly producing cartoons on the [...]

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Do I have a Thing about this?

I gotta share something with you that’s helping me a be a lot more sane.
For regular readers, you might remember parts of it.
Here’s how it works for me (I’m going to write this as instructions, but I’m not sure if it’s gonna work for anyone else):
~ You feel something, erm, stressful (anxiety, anger, embarrassment… one [...]

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