I picked a fight last week.
There as an ongoing issue with Someone I Care About, and I was tired and hungry, and saw a thing, and I knew I was asking from the wrong place, emotionally, but I carried on.
My words said, ‘I’m just checking this out in a reasonable way…’ but my attitude (and my second sentence, and, well, most of the rest of the next hour) didn’t.
My Inner Fighter took over. He loves to fight.
And, yes, maybe some things have been uncovered in that ‘discussion’ that cleared the air, but there was no neeed for it to be done that way.
So, I’m sending a letter to my Future Self.
***
Dear Future Andrew
Hi!
There are times when you are riled about something and you know that you’re not quite on an even keel with them. There’s a sensation of being pulled towards ‘getting it out there’.
Yes, there is benefit in clearing the air, but, right now, you’re probably going to cause a fight.
So… two things.
1. Walk away, gently and quietly. Right now.
2. Eat something, like a banana.
If, after a half-an-hour or so, you think there is something that needs saying, then plan how you’re going to say it.
And check in: is your Inner Fighter thumbing his nose? If so, repeat the above steps.
Even keel?
Now you can go and discuss it…
Love
Past Andrew
x
***
Comments: How do you recognise that your Inner Fighter is stepping up? Do you have ways of putting a gap between stimulus and response, as they say? Anything you’d like to write to Future You?
Comment policy:
(a) Half-baked, unfinished thoughts very welcome. Systems With Capital Letters? Not so much.
(b) No advice, please.
(c) Be nice.
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Umm …. eat something?? I’d say this is a slippery one …
I really meant, like, a banana or something. Too often my grumpiness comes from low blood sugar!
But yes, careful handling of upset –> eating!
Yes, and also I guess my comment was more from a girl’s point of view.
It is true that men in general get quite crabby when they are hungry