I chose ‘A Peaceful Resolution’ intending what’s probably a non-obvious meaning, and now I’m finding that both the obvious one and the non-obvious one are growing in significance.
Obligatory bit of meta-blogging
This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. It’s also the second time I’ve tried to write it. I’m beginning to suspect the Inner Expert might be interfering a little. Maybe I’m trying to be too comprehensive or something. So, gird for patchy, people, gird.
***
In short, it seems like there are two levels to the peaceful resolution thing.
One seems to be more immediate and practical. This I’m calling working towards a peaceful resolution.
The other level seems to be more long-term and for want of a better word, spiritual. This is what I think of as making a resolution to be peaceful.
(Inner Expert: aaagh – this should be comprehensive, and totally structured, and thought through. Stop it! Wait. But it needs to be published now. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.)
Working towards a peaceful resolution
The first, and most obvious reading of peaceful resolution is that it’s something you want to have, to get, to move towards.
Totally useful.
This is where techniques and practices that deal with the outside fit in – things like the Tell Me More Buffer, listening ‘techniques’, finding places of agreement… Basically, things that make immediate practical sense, even if they might be a little counter-intuitive at times.
Bit specific, bit more about ‘the outside’, things you say, things you do.
Making a resolution to be peaceful
Then there’s the second meaning, which is the one I intended, and which is growing in importance. To me at least.
Making a peaceful resolution is more about a life-long (well, potentially) commitment to being peaceful.
Making a peaceful resolution seems to be more about internal choices and gets well a little woo-woo.
Sidebar: making a life-long commitment to be peaceful (or anything for that matter)? No. Doesn’t work. Get’s too mind-y (for me). Making an ongoing commitment to try and maybe remember to be a little bit more peaceful? Much better. May well lead to the former too, in a weird tricking the mind paradox kind of way.
Making a peaceful resolution may also turn out to be applying conflict resolution to the characters/internal parts.
This seems pretty clear to me, but I could see that it might not to people who don’t live inside my head (you get it though, right guys?), so here’s an example from each for the four thing:
(I’m taking an executive decision to do this next bit in the first person, applying to me. Third person opens the gates for Internal Expert. Hmmm… might have to work on that one)
Being Less Certain
First level: unpick my beliefs about the situation I’m going into.
Less obvious, more woo-woo level: practice not seeking certainty in a fluid world.
Handling Emotion
Practical level: plan for what might trigger me in the situation I’m working on.
Making a resolution: work on getting conscious about about what I’m feeling and how it affects me, getting less reactive in general. Also gives me an excuse to blog about my stuff coming up and make it sound relevant (yay blog therapy).
Shut up and Listen
Practical: er – shut up. Listen.
Long-term: work on stillness so I can shut up on the inside.
Speak mindfully
Practical: take emotionally charged words out when talking about the conflict-topic.
Long-term: make it a practice to be able to hear the words I’m saying as I’m saying them.
***
I suppose what I’m saying is that there is likely to be two-ish levels of articles here – some very practical, some a bit more out there.
And I seem to have made more of a long-term commitment to being peaceful in general, but you totally don’t need to. Unless you want to.
And, yeah, this gives me an excuse to do blog therapy (as yayed before).
So… That is Why A Peaceful Resolution.
I thank you.
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