I’ve been putting up a Friday list for a while, detailing what I’m noticing about what I’m learning as I work on being more calm and conscious, and as I implement some of my own advice (!).
Seems to be really useful to check in once a week, and so I’m carrying on with this, especially for my Year of Opening, so the number is reset to week one.
Because learning noticing is important can be helpful.
Opening/conscious/calm/conflict/crisis-y type noticings
I’m closing ALL the time.
I started making a list on my phone of all the times I was closing…
You know: in the movie queue going off into impatience, at 7-11 when I’m 40 cents off the Visa limit…
Stopped after about an hour because – I’m always closing.
Unattended, my mind constantly wants to be somewhere slightly different, feeling something slightly different, doing something slightly different.
I am finding that I can bring myself back into the moment a bit easier now (with The Steps) but it’s been a big realisation.
Noticing when I’m closing brings my Things into sharp relief
For example, there I was at my friend Natasha’s open mike night (a community event for people to say something in words with a willing audience).
And I realise that I’m not totally present.
Do you know why not?
I’m taking responsibility for everyone there having a good time.
Yup.
I’m that important.
Noticed this one over Christmas too, and when we have parties, and basically whenever I’m with a group of people.
But… by getting aware of my surroundings, then feeling what I’m feeling, I can spot when I have a Thing easier.
‘Sgood.
You have to learn to open to closing
So, part of aiming to open has to involve opening to closing, it means feeling myself go into a Thing and still open to myself.
Provides a very interesting and nourishing sort-of contradiction.
YoO cheers me up
The abbreviation. YoO! Stops me feeling so self-important.
Meta-blogging noticings
The Family Feud post is not getting written
Yeah – I want to tell you all about what happened in December with my cousins – a happy story and one where I had to use every paperclip-weight of non-freakoutery that I know to not turn it into drama.
Thing is – I think I’ve created this idea of this epic post in my head, and now I’m scared I’m not going to live up to it.
Are you there, Internal Expert? It’s me, Andrew.
Take a break, eh?
I sound like me
I spoke to a friend of mine the other day, and I found out that she reads my blog (Hey Jill!).
She said I sound exactly like me in my writing.
This makes me very happy.
So, if you haven’t met me in person – this is how I sound…
In-other-news noticings
I’m having a bit of a quite a major crisis of faith
I have been meditating with the same meditation school for over 6 years, pretty much every day.
AND… I’ve been finding a lot of comfort, support, and home in the Buddhist writings that I’ve been reading/listening to over the past couple of months.
I might want to step away from my current spiritual direction.
How do you know when it’s a distraction or an awakening?
No really – how do you know?
Yeah.
Movies:
~ Avatar – a watershed in terms of effects, but the plot was the old White Guy goes native, fulfils a prophecy & saves the day. Again.
~ New York I Love You – romantic, sexy loveliness and a total ad for the city. And smoking.
~ Vampire’s Assistant - big lame fun.
~ It’s Complicated – Meryl is fantastic, Steve Martin has had too much work done, Alec Baldwin not enough (my eyes!). And, er, why does she need a new kitchen?
Reading:
~ On Being Certain – Robert Burton
~ Summer Knight – Jim Butcher
~ Dirty Little Secrets – Why Buyers Can’t Buy and Sellers Can’t Sell – Sharon Drew Morgen
~ Start Where You Are – Pema Chödrön
Considering:
~ Dynamics of Conflict – Bernard Mayer
~ The Feeling of What Happens – Antonio Damasio
~ How We Decide – Jonah Lehrer
~ Searching For Memory: The Brain, The Mind, And The Past – Daniel L. Schacter
~ Daemon – Daniel Suarez
***
So… It’s back to a Be Less Certain week next week. Yay.
Have a good weekend, lovely people.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Andrew!! Hellooooo!!!!
You SO definitely sound like you, and I’m so glad that makes you happy!
On the topic of spiritual wandering, maybe think of it as stepping *toward* something else rather than *away*. (At least it sounds a little more positive!) And I think you know it’s an awakening rather than a distraction when you talk about it using words like “finding a lot of comfort, support, and home”. You didn’t say torment or upheaval or psychotic break or anything, right?
Faith that is young enough to still be curious but mature enough to incorporate understandings and insights from really different sources… well, it sounds like a gift to me, not a crisis.
I’m so prone to tears in response to kindness these days *wipes tear*.
Thanks – I hadn’t really seen it from an outside perspective – does seem pretty cool, doesn’t it.
And thanks for your comments about faith – much appreciated from someone whose faith is so strong.
Though I do wonder if comfort necessarily means that it’s the right decision…